Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Weird Tales of the Weird
Monday, May 17, 2010
Signspottings
Today I would like to introduce you to the world of Signspotting.
This was something I was introduced to by my younger brother, who has a fondness for humourous books and such. It's a series of books filled with pictures of funny, strange, or just plain wrong signs from around the world.
Many of these signs feature ridiculous translations from their native language to English, though not always because the people of the region cannot translate. English is a pretty wacky language in itself.
The books can be found at Barnes and Noble and other bookstores, and, for those of you who don't ever leave your couch, can also be purchased online (Amazon, eBay, whatever you want).
And for those of you who are really cheap and don't want to buy their own copy (like me), you can go to the website and look at some signs there.
Now, I'm off to buy some cow.
Friday, May 14, 2010
I Can See Russia From My House

Yes, my friends, that is Sarah Palin holding up a wee lil' bee-baby to the left of that Obama-head with the creepy look.
The web-game is simple: click on Palin to throw a baby into the giant disembodied Obama head's mouth. When you throw it, Sarah pipes up with "eskimos" "Russia" "you betcha" or another word/phrase in that Palinesque accent we've all grown to love (or hate).
I managed to get a huge combo of "Russia"s, which was funny in itself, but augmented by the fact that I was also watching a video of Soviet soldiers dancing. Sarah knows what you do when you're online, folks.

There are other little details you might notice as you're tossing babies to the disembodied Obamahead, which prompts you with "MORE!" and "BABIES!" as you throw the little ones to their doom. Did you notice the baby with Hilary Clinton's face? How about the McCain baby?

I bring this to you not so you can judge it or me for favouring it. I am not promoting an "anti-Obama" stance by sharing this with you. I don't think that the creators of the game even wanted to promote that type of idea. It's supposed to be funny, and if you can't take a joke, then I feel sorry for you.
(By the way, what type of accent does Palin have anyways?)
Monday, May 10, 2010
Postrant: Store Reward Cards
Today I rant about stores who try to persuade you to sign up for their "INSERT STORE NAME HERE"
BONUS CARD! Why? Because they bug me.
There, I illustrated.
Almost every time I go to a store, be it a clothing store, shoe store, gadget store, pet store, whatever, I am first greeted by four or five people asking me if they can be of any assistance. While this does make me a bit uncomfortable, it's tolerable, and I usually politely tell each person that no, I'm fine, I'm just looking, as I gradually make my way through the store. Then, as I reach my destination, I am often greeted by another employee (who knew tiny little stores could employ so many people in these tough times?) asking me if I want a basket to hold my things or if they can start a fitting room for me. I usually decline, on the grounds that 1. There's no way in hell I will EVER buy enough of something from a specialty store to need a basket, and 2. I hate trying on clothes. By the time I finally get what I want/need and make my way up to the checkout queue (yes, I say queue, get over it) I am so thouroughly irritated with the store that I just want to pay for my items and run away screaming as fast as I can. Then comes the tip of the iceberg. As I place my items in front of the register, the employee ringing them up starts with, "And did you find everything alright? Good. Now, do you have a "INSERT STORE NAME HERE" Bonus Rewards Card? You don't? Well do you want to sign up for one?"
No, I do not. Generally, with any store that is not Target, Publix, or another chain-megastore, I do not shop there enough to get any real reward from using one of these cards that racks up "points" for each thing you buy there. Places such as American Eagle Outfitters, ULTA, etc, I usually only visit a couple of times a year, and only buy things ONCE a year if that; why would I need a card for a store I don't shop at? However, when I tell the employee this, as politely as possible mind you, they usually counter with, "Oh well you could always use the rewards from the card whenever you DO come in, they don't expire."
Yes, that would be nice if I had a computer and a printer glued to my ass, so that when I do spontaneously decide I need a new cardigan/eyeliner sharpener/other I can log onto my email and print out that AWSUM coupon I got from the rewards program. I get to save 10% on an already-overpriced item, yay!
I'll use this to glue the computer and printer to my ass.
Then there are the "sign up for our credit card and get a free t-shirt/ten dollar giftcard/tub of Parkay" stores, but I won't even get into that. They generally leave you alone after you say "no" the first time, unlike the rewards card people who just keep GOING.
I'm not trying to bust your balls, specialty stores. I have to do the same sort of "suggestive selling" in my job EVERY DAY. But the difference is that I work at a resturaunt, and we sell food. Food benefits you NOW, not three months from now when you finally get your coupons printed out and bring them in to the store. I offer cookies with your meal so that you can buy them and give them to your kids that are running around the dining room. But I understand that, if you are an employee of said establishment that pushes their "service" on you every time you walk in the door, it is only your job to do so. Yes, I know you really don't want to be annoying, but that doesn't change the fact that you are.
Maybe one of the CEOs of AE or ULTA (or Icing. Please let it be Icing! I miss shopping there.) will read this and realize that they are LOSING cutomers because of their service policies, and they will change them. Then I'll shop there again. Until then, I'll stick with online shopping or Target. I love you, Target.
Monday, May 3, 2010
IT'S 95 FUCKING DEGREES
Today begins the first of the posts, and the theme is Lovecraft, because I'm reading Lovecraft and because I feel like typing words about him.
Howard Phillips Lovecraft was an American writer of the early 20th century whose stories, "The Call of Cthulhu", "At The Mountains of Madness", "The Colour Out Of Space", etc, have held a massive cult following since the 1940's. Though generally thought of as a horror/science fiction writer, Lovecraft's gothic tales often feature a keen, psychological horror, rather than an intrepid, obvious threat. That being said, his themes often center around what may be instead of what is. There are also beasties. Wonderful, grotesque beasties such as Cthulhu, the Shub-Niggurath, Nyarlathotep (probably misspelled that), freakish fish-people etc.

Needless to say, Lovecraft has a massive cult following (and probably an actual cult somewhere up in Rhode Island...) and there have been numerous adaptations of his works; movies, comics, socks, etc, not to mention works directly influenced by dear ol' Lovecrafty (including ELDRITCH!, the comic I was pimping out for nearly a month).
Did you know that Lovecraft was also a Scrabble master?
For those interested in the realms of H.P. Lovecraft, I suggest:
-ECTOPLASMOSIS! A site dedicated to strange ephemera, particularly that oftentimes related to Lovecraft or Lovecraftean art.
-The H.P. Lovecraft Archive Exactly what it sounds like. Site for everything Lovecraft; info, books, movies, etc, etc.
-Cthulhu Lives! Also known as the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society. Information, merchandise, etc. Buy me a sticker!
Post a comment if you want more links. I'm tired. I have to get up at 4am.
In other news, there's oil on our shores! Does this mean all the tourists will go home? Not that I go to the beaches anyways, but it would be nice to be able to drive through them again.
Stay tuned for more posts; I guarantee they will be better than this one. I just can't go that far into the Lovecraft-ness without writing a full-blown research/autobiographical paper, and seeing as I just finished doing five of those, I'm not exactly interested in doing so right now. Tomorrow's theme will be: MUSIC?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Reasons Why I Never Get Anything Done
What exactly prompted me to explain this often-encountered dilemma of The Life of Dee? Absolutely nothing, probably. Maybe. I don’t know. All I was doing was sitting in front of my glaring computer monitor eating an ungodly amount of cheap Mexican candy, when that little bug called ‘INSPIRATION’ smacked right into the screen on my computer. So, after wiping it off and thoroughly Windex-ing my screen, I decided to give a little explanation of the top reasons I never get anything done (until the last minute). I will start by giving an example of recent procrastination revolving around writing a paper on JFK’s foreign policy (YAY, HISTORY!). Because we all know you really want to know what I do with my life.
5:00pm: Decide to work on paper. Pull up rough draft, read over.
5:01pm: Read over paper again. Think. Type words.
5:05pm: Start iTunes, put on random music (Currently listening to: Phish).
5:06pm: Look for snacks. If any found, eat snacks. (Note: It’s a rare occasion that I don’t have snacks, but usually if I don’t I’ll make a quick run to 7-11 for some at this point.)
5:10pm: Type more, rewrite previous sentences, glare at them for a minute, then decide to rewrite the whole thing.
5:30pm: First paragraph rewritten, decide to reward myself with GIANT CUP OF BIG RED.
(Notice at this point I’m still not online. Just wait, it gets worse.)
5:31pm: Mess with keys on keyboard. Spill soda on floor, panic, soak it up with pants.
5:32pm: Write first two sentences of second paragraph. Forget which president JFK was, decide to look it up on Wikipedia. (He was 35th, by the way.)
5:33pm: Search “dancing Soviets” on Google, watch hilarious video of USSR soldiers dancing. Laugh, giggle, cause Big Red to shoot out my nose. (Hey! I’m watching “reds” and drinking Big Red! Coincidence, or CONSPIRACY?!)
5:38pm: Retweet link to dancing Soviets on Twitter, giggle.
5:40pm: Go to StumbleUpon. Now begins the Armageddon of my productivity.
6:40pm: Retweet “HILARIOUS” website from Stumble. More internet.
7:40pm: Stand up, walk around, try to restore blood flow to lower limbs. Watch stupid commercials on YouTube.
8:20pm: Finally go to bathroom after waiting for hours.
8:25pm: Type another sentence.
8:35pm: Watch the commercial of John Lydon selling butter.
8:40pm: Check Facebook, delete 40 new messages, become fan of group “LOLOLOLOL I JUST ATE A STICK OF BUTTER”
9:00pm: Watch Foamy The Squirrel cartoons, giggle.
9:30pm: Order pizza, groan for the next 35 minutes that it’s “NOT THAT HARD TO MAKE A GODDAMN PIZZA, WHY THE FUCK THEY GOTTA TAKE FOREVER TO GET HERE WHILE MAH BELLY IS EATIN’ ITSELF”.
9:35pm: Make macaroni and cheese, eat it, then remember I ordered pizza.
10:30pm: Pass out on the couch from eating too much pizza.
11:00pm: Drag my massive pizza-inflated buttocks off the couch, grumble about how “I really need to get this paper done.”
11:10pm: Watch Dr. Tran videos.
11:45pm: Write another sentence. Get more snacks; not for eating, but for surrounding myself with in order to make my SNACKFORT.
12:00am: Encyclopedia Dramatica. Oh God, I’ve reverted back to acting like I did in high school.
12:45am: Watch FLCL.
1:45am: Start drawing comic about a man with no legs, then realize it looks like an episode of The Oblongs. Scribble out comic, draw Michael Phelps eating crayons instead.
2:00am: Go to the FC-Bayern site, deciding that I’m “finally going to buy that jersey”.
2:10am: Decide to buy 5-pound box of Haribo frogs instead. Giggle manically as I imagine the UPS man delivering a huge box of gummi frogs.
2:30am: Eat SNACKFORT. Rebuild it with snack wrappers as SNACK ISLAND.
2:35am: HUGO STIGLITZ.
2:36am: Pass out on computer keyboard.
9:00am: Wake up, frantically manage to get a shower, write the rest of the paper, and not run into any walls in the process.
10:30am: Rush to class, vowing that I will write the paper sooner next time.
As you can see, I am A HUGE PROCRASTINATOR. But it’s not all my fault. No, I’m not “ADHD” or whatnot, but I do like to be distracted from things I’m not interested in doing. Really, it’s nothing against JFK, but I dreaded doing that paper all semester.
Thus I come to the conclusion that I will NOT be productive if allowed anywhere near my favourite distractions, which include:
1. THE INTERNET
High-five, Internet!
The internet is a terrible, terrible place. Former U.S. president George W. Bush once described it as a “series of tubes”, and to be honest, anything described like that would terrify me. Thus why I never take the underground/subway/U-Bahn. But in all seriousness, the internet it probably the number one reason nothing gets done around here, whether it be writing an essay on JFK’s foreign policy or cleaning my couch (which, believe me, is quite a project). Though I like to think I've grown as a person, I oftentimes find myself giggling like a maniac over the massive amount of crap on the interwebs.
2. SNACKS
What exactly is this?
No, not THE Snacks. This is referring to ACTUAL snackfoods you eat; not a person.
Yes, snacking is another thing that prevents me from getting anything done. Or rather, the pursuit of snacks. I can never seem to find THE RIGHT SNACK when I want it. For instance, right now I really want Funyuns, but I have none.
And that’s really it. Right now, at least. Yeah.
And to further my immaturity...
YOU JUST LOST THE GAME.
In other news, I'M ALMOST DONE WITH CLASSES. For the time being, at least. I can't even begin to express how happy I am. I think I might cry.
This not only means I have more time to SLEEP (one of my favourite hobbies) but also that I have more time to DRAW. Expect new artworkstuff and comics by sometime in summer.
It won't all be fun and games, though, because this summer I am MOVING. Yay, yay, bla bla bla and all that. Expect long absences from the internet due to travelling and such.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Creepylurkygirl and Noodles
Lurkygirl loves bread and jam!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
The Sweater Song
Yes, I purchased the month of November, making it MY MONTH. I was going to re-name it "SOOPERMONTH" or "TURKEYFEST" or something to do with cranberry sauce, but I decided "NOVEMBER" fits quite nicely indeed.
I am actually looking forward to the next month more than this one. Yes, Halloween is "the best day of the year" according to my friends, but I'm really not into it this year. I personally think it's because I can never get into a holiday when it's hot outside. The heat saps my secret festivity reserves and turns me into a lazy mofo.
AND SPEAKING OF LAZY MOFOS....
I am listening to Nirvana right now. That really has absolutely nothing to do with lazy mofos, but I'm sure you could make a correlation somewhere.
I lucked out with my choice of courses for this semester, because I have NO MIDTERMS in any of my classes. So while my peers are running around trying to study for the first time in months, I get to sit upon a pile of thrones (not just a throne, a whole PILE of 'em) and watch in amusement.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Candy and PAIN
Okay, so it's been a while since I've updated this thing, yeah? By 'a while' I mean 'longer than a week'. And yes, anything longer than a week is a long time. Yes, because I said so.
I'm tempted to just lock myself in my house for the next week so I can actually do some work for ME for once. But I won't do this, no, because that wouldn't appease anyone, save MYSELF of course. I hate this. I am bawling like a baby now because I really want to finish a few projects I started back some-odd weeks ago, but instead I'm writing essays on 'WHAT I HOPE TO GAIN FROM THIS UNIVERSITY'. I hope to gain a giant, steel-toed boot, which I will promptly shove up the posterior of whomever devised such a stupid writing topic. I really want to watch Leprechaun, too.
It's not all bad in the world of all-you-can-eat cafeterias and thirty pound Calc. II books, though. I've finally managed to convince my peers in the Tuesday/Thursday BS class I have (which, by the way, is the one where the ridiculous writing topic came up) that I am a rabid, antisocial young lady who does not want to join in their conversations about whether or not they should go to ULTRA tomorrow night. Leave me to my note-taking and doodling. I am a nerd. And ULTRA is the worst club on the face of the planet, anyways.
I'm really not antisocial, no, not at all. I just haven't got the will or the patience to hold up a conversation with most people, seeing as most peoples' conversations are incredibly stupid, in my opinion.
Have you ever heard a portion of someone's conversation as they walked by and just thought to yourself, "What the fuck?"And afterwards, didn't you want to go shove your head in a blender? Exactly.
In other nooz, I am once again spamming up my Twitter page with links to ridiculously stupid/funny Youtube videos. I'm thinking of setting aside a special day every week to do this from now on, so everyone can get their fill of poop all at once.
I have a strange obsession with finding these types of videos. It is an all-consuming obsession. If I had the ability to sleep like a normal person, I would have lost it after the first hundred-or-so videos. But I don't sleep anyways, so no problem there! Tally-ho, into the land of candy and PAIN!
Only An'W would get that, so I'm not even going to bother explaining myself.
It's really interesting writing this...thing, seeing as the first half (more like 1/4th) was typed about a week before this portion was. Man was I pissy last week. Pissy pissy pissy. But now I'm HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, because I have found the portal to the land of Candy and PAIN. But it's nice pain, not very hurty at all. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Let me end this paragraph right here.
I..was going to say something else. But I don't remember. I'll update this post later. For now, I'm out like a pregnant woman's belly-button.
Monday, August 31, 2009

Sarris is quite lovely as well.
AND NOW...
I'VE GOT A BIG BAG OF CRABS HERE
That is all.
Now, as with all good things, this journal too must come to an end. Too. Tootoo.
This isn't me speaking, it's the shrews.
Pleasant daynightsleepthing, folks. I'll be up at dawn's asscrack, heading off to make sandwiches for all the crazy little old ladies in this part of the state.
Trust me; we have a lot of little old ladies.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Feedbacks
But seriously, folks. Seriously. Seriously seriously seriously.
I'm working on a few things right now, one of which is a design for Infectious (which can be found here) and I would be one super slap-happy monkey if you would head on over there and give me some feedback. Or just look at it until your brain explodes out of your skull or something.
Seeing as I do most of my painting with the body fluids of people who have exploded while looking at my stuff, I DO advise this. That stuff ain't cheap, ya know?
ALSO: I JUST WATCHED MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS. That is all.
:D More later. Or maybe not.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Stanky College Kids
Look! This sandal has a shoe glued to the bottom of it!
My krew rides wit' da banana creme, yo.
Mm...toast.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Inglourious
I really enjoyed the music in the movie. I have always liked the music Quentin Tarantino chooses for his movies, and this one was no exception. I am listening to 'Un Amico' right now, in fact.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thoughtsplatter
So there I was, sitting in my comfy chair at my less-than-interesting college orientation, doodling on the back of rather important documents, when suddenly...
What, exactly? Well, I'll leave that to your imagination.
Anyways, as of right now, I'm sitting in the library, eating Fruity Pebbles (all sneaky-like, of course), while tearing my hair out as I try to compose a schedule that won't leave me drowning in work.
I am going to drown in work anyways, though. It's inevitable, especially since I'm virtually committing suicide by taking on two social science classes, one composition class, and a pre-calculus class ALONG WITH two online courses. This, combined with my drawing deadlines, acapella group concerts/rehearsals, ACTUAL JOB (i.e. the thing that gives me money so I can pay my bills and not starve), other groups and club meetings, makes for one impressive cyanide cocktail.
IN NOT-SO-BORING NEWS:
I AM GOING TO SEE INGLORIOUS BASTERDS IN A FEW HOURS.
Also managed to finish the basic inking of some adorable little octopi (haha, geddit? INKING? OCTOPI? Oh wow, that was lame.) while waiting for orientation to start today. Will have picture once I stop being lazy.
God it's cold in here.
